Stand up for your beliefs and commit to making the world a better place

It's fair to say that 2020 didn't go how any of us expected it to, but it certainly got people talking: about mental health, racism, politics. People are being more vocal about what they believe in.

I was lying in bed last night and started worrying because I didn't think there was anything I strongly believed in and maybe I'm not good person, but then I started thinking about all the things I care about and only slept for about 2 hours. I'm still learning every day and I think everyone should try to learn/challenge themselves to make themselves and the world better. Warning, it's a little political.

Here are the top ten things I passionately believe would make the world a better place:

1. Mental health provision. I believe everyone should have access to free mental health care from a young age. Every student at schools/colleges and universities should be able to have a chat with a therapist/trainee therapist at least once a fortnight, to learn how to express their emotions in a healthy way and have better self-esteem. When I was at university and my life was falling apart, the people who made my life a living hell received mental health support and I didn't because I didn't meet their 'criteria'. Everyone deserves the same access and everyone needs a little help sometimes. But this help needs to continue into adulthood and be readily available for everyone. And with this, can we normalise people being sensitive? It takes a lot of strength for people to be honest about their emotions and how they're feeling, so can we all just learn to not criticise people for crying in public or feeling strongly about things. You never know what someone's going through so just try to be kind.

2. No food banks or poverty. How there are still people living in poverty when there are billionaires in this world, is astounding. Nobody should own their own helicopter when there are people suffering and unable to eat. I admit, I don't know how I can help, but I want to be able to. It's not just having no money for food, it's three siblings sleeping in one bed, one laptop between an entire family so being unable to be educated. We shouldn't have to have a footballer campaigning for children to eat, it should be a basic human right.

3. Education and teachers need more support. As my dad is a teacher and I've been a teaching assistant about 10 times, I have an insight into the education system. Obviously right now children and teenagers are falling through the gaps and have literally zero support. While I don't want my dad to have to go into the school and teach, I recognise that a lot of kids have no support and should have been given wifi/laptops to access online schooling right at the beginning of lockdown. Teachers themselves are affected by ageism, particularly the ones who are teaching because they are passionate about it, and without the agenda to become a headteacher or Senior Leadership. Cutting the arts out of the education sector is just wrong. Not everyone excels in the same subjects, and sometimes their Performing Arts grade is the difference to them going to university or not.

4. Everyone should learn sign language. I'm currently learning (very slowly), and while researching I found out that until recently deaf children were forced to learn oralism and were not permitted to sign in schools. A lot of the children struggled with oralism and found it painful, and they were not learning any subjects, the focus of their teaching was learning to speak the words. I believe every single school should teach sign language, if they can teach French, German, Spanish, then they can teach a language that stops people from being isolated from their peers.

5. Animal cruelty is evil. I can't even imagine what goes through the minds of people that abuse their pets. We always get our cats from the RSPCA, and our cat Munch was previously hurt by an owner. As a result, he's slightly scared of men, terrified of deodorant, scared someone's going to hurt him after going to the toilet, and is very needy (but is also the most adorable and loving cat). There need to be stricter rules and background checks that prevent people from hurting or abandoning their pets!

6. Black Lives Matter. This shouldn't even be a question. Parents shouldn't have to worry if their children will come home. People shouldn't be discriminated by the colour of their skin or the religion they follow. BAME opportunities shouldn't need to exist. Just respect other people, regardless of their culture or race.

7. Abuse awareness. Obviously, I disagree with all abuse, but what I find really difficult is the fact that women's abuse towards men or women is often under the radar. It's never okay for anyone to hurt anyone, regardless of what gender the person is. I was in a situation where I was a witness to a woman abusing another woman for a long time and I tried to speak out about it, but each time it was dismissed because the abuser was a woman. If it was a man, he would have been arrested. People fight for feminism and equality, but with equality, you have to take responsibility for your actions. If you want to be equal, there have to be consequences for abuse and I honestly believe this is non-negotiable.

8. The Arts are really important. The cuts in Performing Arts in recent years and the way they have been dismissed this year is awful. It's in everything we consume: music, theatre, TV, film, books, dancing. I can't imagine a world without it, and I don't want to. They inspire us, they move us, and for many they're a reason for living.

9. We need to save our planet. I don't really know where to start with this, but I want to be better and for our planet to be better. To prevent global warming. To save the animals. Everybody can make a difference, no matter how small.

10. People don't all have to look the same. I don't want to feel like my worth is based on looking like someone else, or having the same body type as them, or just generally being someone else's idea of pretty. We're all different so don't hold people to the same body standards as someone else.

Sometimes you have to stand up for your beliefs and commit to making the world a better place.

My First Self Isolation

So, currently we are all self-isolating. I was fortunate enough to have to self-isolate myself before. I wrote this last year for university and thought now was the perfect time to share it to remind myself and others that it's perfectly okay to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I am lucky enough to be working from home right now but apart from that, being productive is extremely hard and I should be using this time to write but I've forgotten what normal life is like. I will mention that I am exercising though because it's very important for mental health... and have also succumbed to Disney+ so will be okay on the binge watching front! *Also would like to confirm that although I thought self-isolation for two weeks was pretty easy, this is much, much worse and I look forward to being able to go out and see the people I love but we can all get through this!*


Everyone always needs a bit of time to themselves, don’t they? A bit of time where they could do or try anything they wanted to without worries of work. In August 2016 I managed to find two weeks where I could have some time to myself. Unfortunately, this wasn’t out of choice. This was because I was having radioactive iodine to get rid of my thyroid as I was overactive. My mum and I joked about it and about having so much time to myself as I had to have two weeks not seeing anybody because I would be radioactive. I listed all the things I was going to do during these two weeks of not seeing anybody: learn to play piano; learn Italian; learn sign language; make some Youtube videos; do some writing; lose weight and watch Orange is the New Black. I was ready and excited.


I was slightly less excited at the meeting with the doctor before the radioactive iodine. This meeting was to test how I reacted to it, and to be given the facts about what I was supposed to do. It started quite well, as the nurses struggled to find a vein to inject me, trying both arms, both hands, and eventually going back to the first arm they began with. So, four holes in me later, I was ready to have the scan to check how I’d reacted to it. Unfortunately, I get incredibly claustrophobic, so I had a panic attack while the scanner was over my body. Next up the doctor told me that when it was official ‘Radioactive Day’, all I would have to do was pop a pill, and then make sure I got home and away from people before an hour was up. My home, which was an hour away from the hospital.


When we did go in for the radioactive iodine, I took the pill and was issued with instructions to drink as much water as is humanly possible to get the radioactive iodine out of my system quicker, and to flush the toilet twice every time I went, not to go near anybody for two weeks, and to stay away from children and pregnant women for three weeks, which was slightly difficult as we were going to Cornwall just after the two weeks were up, so our journey up there consisted of me running away from children at service stations.


So, after a fast drive home from my mum, there I was back at home, which is my grandad’s second flat, across a corridor from his flat. She waved at me from his door and bought me some food and left it outside my door. Apart from a few corridor waves and FaceTimes from my parents, I was on my own. I was also terrified about what the side effects were going to be, as the doctor had issued me a yellow card and told me to call if I got ill. I spent the next few days drinking water but nowhere near the amount I should have been, I had tummy aches, and a couple of nosebleeds, but the biggest side effect was tiredness. I was doing something that was quite stressful and scary, and honestly, despite having two weeks doing nothing, I didn’t actually have the time to learn to play piano, or sign language or Italian, or make any Youtube videos. I tried to do a bit of writing, but honestly, I was not inspired at all by my predicament, and the last thing I wanted to do was exercise. So, you know what I did while I had two weeks all by myself? I watched Orange is the New Black.

This time I will learn to play the piano! And also stare at this picture of people going out to eat and wonder what normal life was like.

Holiday to Cornwall, St Mawes

This Easter, we went on a family holiday to Cornwall with my boyfriend, Aiden. Normally we would go in the Summer, but Easter wasn't as busy and although some days were a bit windy, the weather was generally good. We stayed in an absolutely gorgeous holiday apartment called Poldhu in St Mawes, which was literally the best accommodation I have ever stayed in. St. Mawes itself is small, however it has good links to places, and has all the necessities - a pub, shop, castle and a ferry to Falmouth. Oh, and it's also beautiful.

St. Mawes

St. Mawes Castle

On our first day we took the ferry to Falmouth, which takes about 20 minutes.

St. Mawes ferry

While there we looked in the shops and had the best cream tea of the holiday at The Cornish Bakery where we also had a hazelnut hot chocolate (gutted we didn't get to go again).

We took a trip to the Eden Project which was amazing, although very hot in the rainforest dome! It was so cool to see the waterfall and walk across the rope bridge. The shop was great as well, and if I lived closer, I'd have bought so many plants.

Eden Project

Eden Project

Eden Project

Eden Project

The highlight of the entire holiday was going to the Minack Theatre.  It's a stunning outdoor theatre located right on a cliff edge overlooking the sea, where my parents performed almost 30 years ago with their acting company. Absolute dream to have a play performed there (please let it happen!) Again, maybe because of the time of year, it wasn't too busy and was so peaceful and beautiful. Genuinely one of my favourite places in the world.

Minack Theatre

View from the Minack

With Aiden

With my parents

We went to St. Michael's Mount which looks so cool. Unfortunately, we went towards the end of the day and were told the castle was closing soon so we raced to the top of the mount (which is hard enough just walking up). It has such lovely views!

St. Michael's Mount

We walked to St. Anthony's Head lighthouse, although it was a hard walk, and saw such beautiful views.

View from the lighthouse

We also went kayaking, which was great until Aiden fell in and I had to flip the kayak single-handed, while my dad floated around us in hysterics.

Kayak

It was such a lovely holiday and I wish I could go back right now.

Thanks for reading,
Jessie xx

Trip to Venice

On a bridge in Venice

 For my 23rd birthday, I went on a trip with my mum to Venice. I'm going to be totally honest here,  I didn't think I would like it and was considering going to Rome instead but decided Venice was cheaper and potentially less touristy.

Taking the boat from the airport to Venice was a real eye-opener. I'd known there was a lot of water but I hadn't known it was a city built entirely on water with no vehicles - I was amazed.

We stayed in a hotel called Hotel Santa Marina, a real Venetian hotel with material wallpaper and beautiful decorations, right beside one of the canals.

Outside our hotel

Most of the foods we ate were pizza or pasta (for some reason I assumed they would only serve fish and was worried we wouldn't be able to find any, but luckily there was more pizza and pasta than I've ever seen in my life). There are also fresh pasta shops in some of the streets where you can get pasta meals as street food if you want to save money!

We also had ice cream - the best ice cream shop in Venice is Suso, by the Rialto Bridge, but we also found a gourmet chocolate ice cream place called Venchi which dipped the cones in chocolate in front of you.

Venchi

On the first day we decided to do the tourist things like the Basilica which was beautiful and the Doge's Palace which was actually stunning (and on a Thursday wasn't that busy).

St Mark's Basilica

Doge's Palace

Inside the Doge's Palace

We also went on a gondola (because you just have to, right?!) but the tip is to always walk away because a gondolier ran after us and offered us a cheaper deal, and we loved it.

Gondola ride

In the evening we tried to do a bar crawl near the Rialto Bridge and couldn't find anywhere. I found a bar called Bacaro Jazz, with a ceiling decorated with bras and guitars (my mum was very hesitant to go in at first but she loved it). I highly recommend it, especially because the bartenders are so lovely and it has such a good atmosphere. Nothing at all to do with the very generous portions of vodka they give (half a tall glass). Not at all...

The ceiling of Bacaro Jazz

The next day (slightly headachy), we went to the Accademia Gallery Museum and then to Harry's Bar where Ernest Hemingway, James Stewart and Charlie Chaplin have all been.

Accademia Gallery Museum

In the evening we walked to a bar that I had read about called El Sbarlefo, San Pantalon which played rock, blues and country music, but probably isn't worth an hour's walk. We then walked to St Mark's Square to see the sunset and listened to the orchestras playing Time to Say Goodbye. It was honestly enchanting.

St Mark's Square at sunset

With my mum on the Rialto Bridge

I fell in love with Venice and I hope I get to visit there again. I highly recommend.


Thanks for reading.

Jessie x

Looking after myself emotionally and feeling more confident

In October last year I started feeling pretty bad about myself again and feeling anxious in social situations. Someone suggested I go to a place called i-Rock in Hastings to attend a wellbeing and anxiety course, and while there I was also referred for ten sessions of free counselling at Counselling Plus. I've always been the type of person to just say 'I'm fine' whenever anyone tries to talk to me about how I'm feeling, but I finally decided it was time to take care of myself emotionally. Whenever I feel sad usually I listen to music (and honestly there is nothing that makes me happier) but I wanted to be able to talk to someone about how I was feeling.

I realise counselling isn't for everyone, and to be honest I wasn't sure if it was for me, but I found it so helpful to talk about the big things that had happened in my past, and more recent events. Crying for the first time in front of a counsellor was embarrassing but also cathartic and I was so relieved to talk about things that I couldn't with family. By the end of the ten sessions my counsellor told me I was 'sitting taller in the chair' and she could 'see a real difference'. It also enabled me to speak to my family about how I felt about things, and helped me gain a sense of closure on things that had happened.

I was more apprehensive about the Adult Wellbeing course, imagining something like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and dreading having to meet new people, however it was really relaxed and the people were all really nice, in particularly the 'tutors'.

Throughout the course I learnt a lot about myself and my core beliefs, and coinciding with the counselling, realised why I felt 'I'm not good enough' and that 'I'm not as good as others'. The sessions were all really interesting and gave advice on how to change the behaviours, and eventually our thoughts about ourselves. We learnt about our driver behaviours (mine is to please others) and our relationships with other people - what we want out of them and the best way to communicate.

We were given advice on how to be assertive and how to be more confident. Towards the end of the course we learnt how to manage stress and about mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

I'm trying to sum it up but it's pretty hard to explain just how much it has helped me. At the beginning of the course, speaking in front of the group would have been my nightmare but by the end I was absolutely fine and not worrying about what other people would think about me - as the tutors said, what I say is just as important as what anyone else has to say.

The course finished today and during the past few months I have achieved a lot in my personal life, partly due to feeling more confident in myself. I passed my driving test (finally!) and achieved something else. I thanked the tutors who ran the course, because they really have changed my outlook on myself and life and, if I'm being completely honest, I cried in front of everyone because they were so lovely and wishing me luck with all the exciting things I'm doing this year.

There are still things I want to change about myself and I don't feel completely happy all the time, but I've learnt how to stop the negative thoughts. It is always worth taking care of yourself emotionally and learning to talk about how you're feeling, and I am now feeling so much more confident.

Thanks for reading,
Jessie xx

Letter to my Future Self

Dear future me,
I often think about where you are now and I truly hope you’re doing okay. I hope you’re living a life you’re proud of and have done things that scare you and take you out of your comfort zone. I hope you’ve travelled and seen places you want to see and have had so many good experiences. I hope you’re writing, and that you have a job you love and are very successful.

I know things have been difficult but I hope you’re still living through them as best you can. I hope you feel good about yourself every day and try to make your life better. I hope you’re in love and settled, but if you aren’t, know that you’re not defined by love and your life can be brilliant without it. I really, really hope you have cats and if you don’t please try and get some. I know that you’ll have lost people and that people you’re close to will have died. I hope that you’re able to get through it and keep going.

I hope you’ve sorted out your life a little bit and don’t let people consume you so much. I hope you’ve learnt things and managed to use what you’ve learnt to not get too hurt. I hope you’ve had a lot of good sex and not one night stands, we both know you can’t do them (crying on your toilet floor was not your finest hour). I hope you still manage to find humour in everything bad that happens and listen to music every day. I hope your house is filled with music and that you’ve learnt to play the piano and are continuously learning new things.

I hope you’re living in your favourite place with your favourite people and that life brings you things you want, even if they’re in the most unexpected ways. I really hope you can drive because it’s looking a bit worrying at the moment. I hope you’ve lost a bit of weight and maybe look a little older than 14 so that people don’t think your friends are going out with their little sister. I hope you’re not scared of things anymore and have a lot less anxiety. I hope you find a reason to smile every day. I hope you never lose a little bit of your innocence, excitement and passion.


I hope you think back on me and the many stupid things I do and hard situations I get into, and laugh. I hope you laugh so hard because you know that things get better, and things that feel like the end of the world really aren’t. I hope you’re proud of you and happy and alive and don’t regret many things.
I hope you’ve lived a life you love and are still loving.
Love,
Me

40 Reasons to be Happy

The last two months haven't been the best I've ever had, and with an underactive thyroid, I'm feeling pretty down anyway. I know it's just a phase and when my medication has levelled itself out I'll feel a lot happier but I thought I'd make a list of reasons to be happy for anyone who needs to read this:

1. Your family and friends, and so many people love you.
2. There is always someone who's inspired by you.
3. Music exists and can help you through anything.
4. Dogs.
5. Cats.

6. There are so many places to travel to and so much of the world to see.
7. There's always a cheesy musical to watch and sing to.
8. You've got through everything up until now.
9. You can get through everything else.
10. You might get yourself into awkward situations but they will be funny stories to tell.
11. Sadness just gives you an incentive to be creative.
12. The sky is always beautiful.

13. Star gazing.
14. Camping.
15. S'mores.
16. Pizza.
17. Concerts.
18. Chocolate.
19. Pancakes.

20. The sea is beautiful.
21. Nothing lasts forever, including unhappiness.
22. So many good things are coming.
23. Your life decisions are yours, and yours alone.
24. There will always be things to make you laugh.
25. Some day your life will change and you'll miss aspects of what you have now so try to enjoy it.
26. Polar bears.

27. Everyone else is struggling with something too, it's not just you.
28. Stand up comedy.
29. There are always adventures to be had and countless new experiences.
30. You have a lifetime to live out passions.
31. Paris.

32. Some day you'll be living exactly where you want to be.

33. You'll always make new achievements.

34. There's nothing wrong with crying and letting your emotions out.

35. Films.

36. Games.

37. Books.

38. Love comes to you in many forms.

39. Birthdays.

40. Christmas.

There are so many more reasons to be happy too. For me, music is the one thing that can always make me feel better, so here's a list of happy (and cheesy) songs that helps pick me up:

Our House - Madness

Baggy Trousers - Madness

Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners

Whole Of The Moon - The Waterboys

Town Called Malice - The Jam

It Must Be Love - Madness

Uptown Girl  - Billy Joel

My Life -Billy Joel

The River Of Dreams - Billy Joel

Walk Of Life - Dire Straits

I Want You Back  - Jackson 5

Mr Blue Sky - E.L.O

Come A Little Bit Closer - Jay and the Americans

Southern Nights - Glen Campbell

Hey Ya! - OutKast

Mumma Mia - Abba

Take A Chance On Me - Abba

Do You Believe In Magic - The Lovin' Spoonful

Wouldn't It Be Nice - The Beach Boys

Sugar Sugar - The Archies

Don't Go Breakin' My Heart - Elton John and Kiki Dee

Don't Worry, Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin

You're Welcome - Dwayne Johnson

I'm On My Way - The Proclaimers

Fat Sam's Grand Slam - Bugsy Malone

Bad Guys - Bugsy Malone

You Give A Little Love - Bugsy Malone

Brimful of Asha - Cornershop

Burning Love - Elvis Presley

Those Magic Changes - Grease

Rock & Roll - Eric Hutchinson

Rescue Me  - Fontella Bass

December 1963 - The Four Seasons

Got My Mind Set On You - George Harrison

Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

Rich Girl  - Gwen Stefani

Jump Around - House of Pain

Jump - Kriss Kross

On Top Of The World  - Imagine Dragons

Singing In The Rain - Simple Plan

Oom Pah Pah - Oliver

Stay - Jackson Browne

Reet Petite  - Jackie Wilson

Jilted John - Jilted John

The Day I Died - Just Jack

Wavin' Flag - K'naan

She Moves In Her Own Way  - The Kooks

Bulletproof - La Roux

The Outdoor Type - The Lemonheads

Never Let You Go - Jakaranda

My Girl - Madness

Heatwave - Martha Reeves and the Vandellas

We're Gonna Change The World - Matt Monroe

Pass The Dutchie - Musical Youth

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. - Noah and the Whale

Sh Boom - The Chords

My Girl  - The Temptations

I'll Be There For You - The Rembrandts

It's Tricky - Run D.M.C.

It Wasn't Me - Shaggy

Keep'n It Real - Shaggy

I Got You Babe - Sonny and Cher

Galway Girl - Steve Earle

Make Me Smile - Steve Earley and Cockney Rebel

Alright  - Supergrass

Doctorin' The Tardis - The Timelords

Monster Mash

Over And Done With  - Sunshine on Leith

Thanks for reading,

Jessie xxx