Trip to Venice

On a bridge in Venice

 For my 23rd birthday, I went on a trip with my mum to Venice. I'm going to be totally honest here,  I didn't think I would like it and was considering going to Rome instead but decided Venice was cheaper and potentially less touristy.

Taking the boat from the airport to Venice was a real eye-opener. I'd known there was a lot of water but I hadn't known it was a city built entirely on water with no vehicles - I was amazed.

We stayed in a hotel called Hotel Santa Marina, a real Venetian hotel with material wallpaper and beautiful decorations, right beside one of the canals.

Outside our hotel

Most of the foods we ate were pizza or pasta (for some reason I assumed they would only serve fish and was worried we wouldn't be able to find any, but luckily there was more pizza and pasta than I've ever seen in my life). There are also fresh pasta shops in some of the streets where you can get pasta meals as street food if you want to save money!

We also had ice cream - the best ice cream shop in Venice is Suso, by the Rialto Bridge, but we also found a gourmet chocolate ice cream place called Venchi which dipped the cones in chocolate in front of you.

Venchi

On the first day we decided to do the tourist things like the Basilica which was beautiful and the Doge's Palace which was actually stunning (and on a Thursday wasn't that busy).

St Mark's Basilica

Doge's Palace

Inside the Doge's Palace

We also went on a gondola (because you just have to, right?!) but the tip is to always walk away because a gondolier ran after us and offered us a cheaper deal, and we loved it.

Gondola ride

In the evening we tried to do a bar crawl near the Rialto Bridge and couldn't find anywhere. I found a bar called Bacaro Jazz, with a ceiling decorated with bras and guitars (my mum was very hesitant to go in at first but she loved it). I highly recommend it, especially because the bartenders are so lovely and it has such a good atmosphere. Nothing at all to do with the very generous portions of vodka they give (half a tall glass). Not at all...

The ceiling of Bacaro Jazz

The next day (slightly headachy), we went to the Accademia Gallery Museum and then to Harry's Bar where Ernest Hemingway, James Stewart and Charlie Chaplin have all been.

Accademia Gallery Museum

In the evening we walked to a bar that I had read about called El Sbarlefo, San Pantalon which played rock, blues and country music, but probably isn't worth an hour's walk. We then walked to St Mark's Square to see the sunset and listened to the orchestras playing Time to Say Goodbye. It was honestly enchanting.

St Mark's Square at sunset

With my mum on the Rialto Bridge

I fell in love with Venice and I hope I get to visit there again. I highly recommend.


Thanks for reading.

Jessie x

Looking after myself emotionally and feeling more confident

In October last year I started feeling pretty bad about myself again and feeling anxious in social situations. Someone suggested I go to a place called i-Rock in Hastings to attend a wellbeing and anxiety course, and while there I was also referred for ten sessions of free counselling at Counselling Plus. I've always been the type of person to just say 'I'm fine' whenever anyone tries to talk to me about how I'm feeling, but I finally decided it was time to take care of myself emotionally. Whenever I feel sad usually I listen to music (and honestly there is nothing that makes me happier) but I wanted to be able to talk to someone about how I was feeling.

I realise counselling isn't for everyone, and to be honest I wasn't sure if it was for me, but I found it so helpful to talk about the big things that had happened in my past, and more recent events. Crying for the first time in front of a counsellor was embarrassing but also cathartic and I was so relieved to talk about things that I couldn't with family. By the end of the ten sessions my counsellor told me I was 'sitting taller in the chair' and she could 'see a real difference'. It also enabled me to speak to my family about how I felt about things, and helped me gain a sense of closure on things that had happened.

I was more apprehensive about the Adult Wellbeing course, imagining something like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and dreading having to meet new people, however it was really relaxed and the people were all really nice, in particularly the 'tutors'.

Throughout the course I learnt a lot about myself and my core beliefs, and coinciding with the counselling, realised why I felt 'I'm not good enough' and that 'I'm not as good as others'. The sessions were all really interesting and gave advice on how to change the behaviours, and eventually our thoughts about ourselves. We learnt about our driver behaviours (mine is to please others) and our relationships with other people - what we want out of them and the best way to communicate.

We were given advice on how to be assertive and how to be more confident. Towards the end of the course we learnt how to manage stress and about mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

I'm trying to sum it up but it's pretty hard to explain just how much it has helped me. At the beginning of the course, speaking in front of the group would have been my nightmare but by the end I was absolutely fine and not worrying about what other people would think about me - as the tutors said, what I say is just as important as what anyone else has to say.

The course finished today and during the past few months I have achieved a lot in my personal life, partly due to feeling more confident in myself. I passed my driving test (finally!) and achieved something else. I thanked the tutors who ran the course, because they really have changed my outlook on myself and life and, if I'm being completely honest, I cried in front of everyone because they were so lovely and wishing me luck with all the exciting things I'm doing this year.

There are still things I want to change about myself and I don't feel completely happy all the time, but I've learnt how to stop the negative thoughts. It is always worth taking care of yourself emotionally and learning to talk about how you're feeling, and I am now feeling so much more confident.

Thanks for reading,
Jessie xx

Letter to my Future Self

Dear future me,
I often think about where you are now and I truly hope you’re doing okay. I hope you’re living a life you’re proud of and have done things that scare you and take you out of your comfort zone. I hope you’ve travelled and seen places you want to see and have had so many good experiences. I hope you’re writing, and that you have a job you love and are very successful.

I know things have been difficult but I hope you’re still living through them as best you can. I hope you feel good about yourself every day and try to make your life better. I hope you’re in love and settled, but if you aren’t, know that you’re not defined by love and your life can be brilliant without it. I really, really hope you have cats and if you don’t please try and get some. I know that you’ll have lost people and that people you’re close to will have died. I hope that you’re able to get through it and keep going.

I hope you’ve sorted out your life a little bit and don’t let people consume you so much. I hope you’ve learnt things and managed to use what you’ve learnt to not get too hurt. I hope you’ve had a lot of good sex and not one night stands, we both know you can’t do them (crying on your toilet floor was not your finest hour). I hope you still manage to find humour in everything bad that happens and listen to music every day. I hope your house is filled with music and that you’ve learnt to play the piano and are continuously learning new things.

I hope you’re living in your favourite place with your favourite people and that life brings you things you want, even if they’re in the most unexpected ways. I really hope you can drive because it’s looking a bit worrying at the moment. I hope you’ve lost a bit of weight and maybe look a little older than 14 so that people don’t think your friends are going out with their little sister. I hope you’re not scared of things anymore and have a lot less anxiety. I hope you find a reason to smile every day. I hope you never lose a little bit of your innocence, excitement and passion.


I hope you think back on me and the many stupid things I do and hard situations I get into, and laugh. I hope you laugh so hard because you know that things get better, and things that feel like the end of the world really aren’t. I hope you’re proud of you and happy and alive and don’t regret many things.
I hope you’ve lived a life you love and are still loving.
Love,
Me

40 Reasons to be Happy

The last two months haven't been the best I've ever had, and with an underactive thyroid, I'm feeling pretty down anyway. I know it's just a phase and when my medication has levelled itself out I'll feel a lot happier but I thought I'd make a list of reasons to be happy for anyone who needs to read this:

1. Your family and friends, and so many people love you.
2. There is always someone who's inspired by you.
3. Music exists and can help you through anything.
4. Dogs.
5. Cats.

6. There are so many places to travel to and so much of the world to see.
7. There's always a cheesy musical to watch and sing to.
8. You've got through everything up until now.
9. You can get through everything else.
10. You might get yourself into awkward situations but they will be funny stories to tell.
11. Sadness just gives you an incentive to be creative.
12. The sky is always beautiful.

13. Star gazing.
14. Camping.
15. S'mores.
16. Pizza.
17. Concerts.
18. Chocolate.
19. Pancakes.

20. The sea is beautiful.
21. Nothing lasts forever, including unhappiness.
22. So many good things are coming.
23. Your life decisions are yours, and yours alone.
24. There will always be things to make you laugh.
25. Some day your life will change and you'll miss aspects of what you have now so try to enjoy it.
26. Polar bears.

27. Everyone else is struggling with something too, it's not just you.
28. Stand up comedy.
29. There are always adventures to be had and countless new experiences.
30. You have a lifetime to live out passions.
31. Paris.

32. Some day you'll be living exactly where you want to be.

33. You'll always make new achievements.

34. There's nothing wrong with crying and letting your emotions out.

35. Films.

36. Games.

37. Books.

38. Love comes to you in many forms.

39. Birthdays.

40. Christmas.

There are so many more reasons to be happy too. For me, music is the one thing that can always make me feel better, so here's a list of happy (and cheesy) songs that helps pick me up:

Our House - Madness

Baggy Trousers - Madness

Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners

Whole Of The Moon - The Waterboys

Town Called Malice - The Jam

It Must Be Love - Madness

Uptown Girl  - Billy Joel

My Life -Billy Joel

The River Of Dreams - Billy Joel

Walk Of Life - Dire Straits

I Want You Back  - Jackson 5

Mr Blue Sky - E.L.O

Come A Little Bit Closer - Jay and the Americans

Southern Nights - Glen Campbell

Hey Ya! - OutKast

Mumma Mia - Abba

Take A Chance On Me - Abba

Do You Believe In Magic - The Lovin' Spoonful

Wouldn't It Be Nice - The Beach Boys

Sugar Sugar - The Archies

Don't Go Breakin' My Heart - Elton John and Kiki Dee

Don't Worry, Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin

You're Welcome - Dwayne Johnson

I'm On My Way - The Proclaimers

Fat Sam's Grand Slam - Bugsy Malone

Bad Guys - Bugsy Malone

You Give A Little Love - Bugsy Malone

Brimful of Asha - Cornershop

Burning Love - Elvis Presley

Those Magic Changes - Grease

Rock & Roll - Eric Hutchinson

Rescue Me  - Fontella Bass

December 1963 - The Four Seasons

Got My Mind Set On You - George Harrison

Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

Rich Girl  - Gwen Stefani

Jump Around - House of Pain

Jump - Kriss Kross

On Top Of The World  - Imagine Dragons

Singing In The Rain - Simple Plan

Oom Pah Pah - Oliver

Stay - Jackson Browne

Reet Petite  - Jackie Wilson

Jilted John - Jilted John

The Day I Died - Just Jack

Wavin' Flag - K'naan

She Moves In Her Own Way  - The Kooks

Bulletproof - La Roux

The Outdoor Type - The Lemonheads

Never Let You Go - Jakaranda

My Girl - Madness

Heatwave - Martha Reeves and the Vandellas

We're Gonna Change The World - Matt Monroe

Pass The Dutchie - Musical Youth

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. - Noah and the Whale

Sh Boom - The Chords

My Girl  - The Temptations

I'll Be There For You - The Rembrandts

It's Tricky - Run D.M.C.

It Wasn't Me - Shaggy

Keep'n It Real - Shaggy

I Got You Babe - Sonny and Cher

Galway Girl - Steve Earle

Make Me Smile - Steve Earley and Cockney Rebel

Alright  - Supergrass

Doctorin' The Tardis - The Timelords

Monster Mash

Over And Done With  - Sunshine on Leith

Thanks for reading,

Jessie xxx

Urban Vibe Studios Photoshoot

In June, I went to a photoshoot at Urban Vibe Studios in Shoreditch after being recommended by my friend. I was debating whether to do it because I'd never done a photoshoot before and didn't know if it was a legit place, but I was pleasantly surprised. I went with my mum (I was allowed to bring a friend with me and I thought it would be a nice thing to do with her) and we were immediately greeted by the friendly and welcoming people working there.

Our make up was done by professional make up artists who allowed us to bring pictures of what we wanted our make up to look like, in order to recreate it. They put us at ease and made sure we were happy with how we looked before doing our hair in any way we wanted, and giving us a manicure. Getting a makeover made the day really fun and more of an event than just getting some photos done, and definitely gave us more confidence.

The highlight of the whole day was getting the pictures taken by Charlene, one of the photographers there, who was so talented at her job. She worked hard to get to know us as people and take pictures to bring out our personality in the style we wanted. Over four outfits she took loads of photos of us, both inside and outside.

At the end, I even felt comfortable enough to do an underwear shoot with Charlene (something I have definitely never done before) and I'm so proud of myself for doing it. They cater for any style of photoshoot and even do topless, which I can confirm I didn't do.

At the end of the day we got to look through the photos and decide which ones we wanted to keep and buy. It was expensive but that's because we bought so many! It was such a good day and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to do a photoshoot. If that isn't enough of an incentive to go there, Naked Dough (the cookie dough shop) has opened near it in Old Street Underground Station, and it was amazing! It was so nice to spend the day with my mum and I really enjoyed myself. Thank you to everyone for making it so special!


Thanks for reading,
Jessie xxx

Trip to Toronto

For my 22nd birthday, my mum took me to Toronto. The last time we went was before I started uni so I was really excited. The first place we went to when we arrived was Second Cup and I finally got to have a Frozen Hot Chocolate (I had one most days and miss them so much again).

We didn't really do anything else that day as we were majorly jetlagged. I'm pretty sure we went to bed at 8pm, but for dinner we went to my favourite restaurant in Canada, The Spaghetti Factory - a restaurant where obviously you get spaghetti but also free bread and garlic butter and a starter and ice cream. The inside of The Spaghetti Factory is really cool too with a carousel, a bed and a bus you can sit on to eat.

The carousel inside The Spaghetti Factory

The next day we spent a lot of time shopping at the Eaton Centre, the best place to shop in Canada, and bought so much stuff.

Eaton Centre

On my birthday I'd wanted to visit Toronto Zoo and see the polar bears but it was closed, and we didn't know if it would open again the whole time we were there, so we started the day with some Fran's pancakes (which are amazing).

Birthday pancakes

We then went up the CN Tower again and followed that by going to Ripley's Aquarium.

CN Tower view

CN Tower

Ripley's Aquarium

The highlight of my birthday was going to Toto's Cat Café. In the café you're able to visit the cats, feed and stroke them and can even adopt them (obviously we couldn't) but if you're in the Toronto area I would definitely recommend adopting the adorable cats.

I wanted to keep all the cats

This cat was so cute

The last time I went to Canada, I tried to visit the filming locations of Anne of Green Gables. We visited Prince Edward Island, and I was pretty devastated when I couldn't find the Green Gables house and the bridge that Gilbert proposes to Anne on. Before we went to Toronto I did a lot of searching and finally found the addresses of both of these locations. They're pretty far out of Toronto but my mum hired a car and drove me an hour out of central Toronto to find these locations. After waiting so long to see them, I was so happy to finally get to them. (I didn't go onto the bridge because it looks like it's falling in and also both of these locations are on private land so it's difficult to get closer).

Green Gables

Bridge in Anne of Green Gables

We also spent a day at Niagara Falls and went Behind the Falls. It was the hottest day when we were there and although we were soaking wet from Niagara, we dried within minutes. It's honestly one of the most beautiful places in the world and such a good day out in Toronto.

Niagara Falls

The first hotel we got to stay in was the Novotel, which was a really nice hotel and a good experience to try somewhere new. The last hotel we stayed in was our favourite hotel, The Fairmont Royal York, and we got upgraded to a suite because the airline had messed up our booking. I honestly can't say enough how much I love The Fairmont. If I could stay there forever, I would.

The Fairmont lobby

The Fairmont pool (Jacuzzi is round the corner)

On our last day in Canada, Toronto Zoo finally opened. I've been waiting to see the polar bears for ages, so even though it took an hour to get to the zoo, we decided to spend the day there (helped by the fact the Fairmont allow you to use the pool and spa area to refresh after you've checked out). Obviously my first stop was the polar bears but it was also really cool to see the giant panda and lions.

Polar bear

So happy to be this close to a polar bear

Witness the joy on my face at getting to see the polar bears

Giant panda

I loved being in Canada again and was so lucky to get to go for my 22nd. It was the best birthday I've had and I can't wait to go back again! Thank you so much to my mum.


Thanks for reading,
Jessie xxx

The rest of my trip to Paris

I'm home from Paris now (sucks to be back) but here's what I did the other two days:

On Saturday I decided to go the Eiffel Tower and I got extremely lost in the metro. I made two friends who were both Russian but living in the USA who were the reason I managed to find my way around. (It definitely pays off to ask people if they speak English if you can't find your way around).

I tried to take photos of myself outside the Eiffel but it's really hard with a selfie stick and also embarrassing to use them. (There are a lot of photos of me looking incredibly awkward).

After the Eiffel Tower I managed to find my way to the Champs-Élysées to go shopping. I knew it was a really long street and I probably wouldn't end up seeing the Arc de Triomphe at the end but before I knew it, I was right in front of it and it was beautiful!

On Sunday, I ate breakfast on the hotel balcony in front of the Eiffel Tower which was so cool, and a nice thing to do before I changed hotels.

I walked to the Louvre in the day time and spent a really long time there (and got lost inside because it is massive). I saw the Mona Lisa but it was so small I almost missed it.

I was going to go back to the Eiffel Tower as I hadn't walked up it and I regretted it but I walked onwards to the metro and there were police around and they had closed it. This was my only crying and phoning home moment and I realised that walking up the Eiffel Tower wasn't meant to be this time but there's always next time! I went back to the Latin Quarter and spent the afternoon buying art by the Seine and shopping in Shakespeare and Company (I did this in the evening too).

I finished the evening by going for a walk along the Seine while listening to music and then sat beside the Seine and wrote.

I honestly think that everyone should travel by themselves at least once in their lives and I'll do a blog post on this at some point. I've had an amazing time, I've been really happy and it's just made me appreciate life a lot more. I can't wait to return to Paris in the future!

Thanks for reading,
Jessie xxx