My First Self Isolation

So, currently we are all self-isolating. I was fortunate enough to have to self-isolate myself before. I wrote this last year for university and thought now was the perfect time to share it to remind myself and others that it's perfectly okay to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I am lucky enough to be working from home right now but apart from that, being productive is extremely hard and I should be using this time to write but I've forgotten what normal life is like. I will mention that I am exercising though because it's very important for mental health... and have also succumbed to Disney+ so will be okay on the binge watching front! *Also would like to confirm that although I thought self-isolation for two weeks was pretty easy, this is much, much worse and I look forward to being able to go out and see the people I love but we can all get through this!*


Everyone always needs a bit of time to themselves, don’t they? A bit of time where they could do or try anything they wanted to without worries of work. In August 2016 I managed to find two weeks where I could have some time to myself. Unfortunately, this wasn’t out of choice. This was because I was having radioactive iodine to get rid of my thyroid as I was overactive. My mum and I joked about it and about having so much time to myself as I had to have two weeks not seeing anybody because I would be radioactive. I listed all the things I was going to do during these two weeks of not seeing anybody: learn to play piano; learn Italian; learn sign language; make some Youtube videos; do some writing; lose weight and watch Orange is the New Black. I was ready and excited.


I was slightly less excited at the meeting with the doctor before the radioactive iodine. This meeting was to test how I reacted to it, and to be given the facts about what I was supposed to do. It started quite well, as the nurses struggled to find a vein to inject me, trying both arms, both hands, and eventually going back to the first arm they began with. So, four holes in me later, I was ready to have the scan to check how I’d reacted to it. Unfortunately, I get incredibly claustrophobic, so I had a panic attack while the scanner was over my body. Next up the doctor told me that when it was official ‘Radioactive Day’, all I would have to do was pop a pill, and then make sure I got home and away from people before an hour was up. My home, which was an hour away from the hospital.


When we did go in for the radioactive iodine, I took the pill and was issued with instructions to drink as much water as is humanly possible to get the radioactive iodine out of my system quicker, and to flush the toilet twice every time I went, not to go near anybody for two weeks, and to stay away from children and pregnant women for three weeks, which was slightly difficult as we were going to Cornwall just after the two weeks were up, so our journey up there consisted of me running away from children at service stations.


So, after a fast drive home from my mum, there I was back at home, which is my grandad’s second flat, across a corridor from his flat. She waved at me from his door and bought me some food and left it outside my door. Apart from a few corridor waves and FaceTimes from my parents, I was on my own. I was also terrified about what the side effects were going to be, as the doctor had issued me a yellow card and told me to call if I got ill. I spent the next few days drinking water but nowhere near the amount I should have been, I had tummy aches, and a couple of nosebleeds, but the biggest side effect was tiredness. I was doing something that was quite stressful and scary, and honestly, despite having two weeks doing nothing, I didn’t actually have the time to learn to play piano, or sign language or Italian, or make any Youtube videos. I tried to do a bit of writing, but honestly, I was not inspired at all by my predicament, and the last thing I wanted to do was exercise. So, you know what I did while I had two weeks all by myself? I watched Orange is the New Black.

This time I will learn to play the piano! And also stare at this picture of people going out to eat and wonder what normal life was like.

Holiday to Cornwall, St Mawes

This Easter, we went on a family holiday to Cornwall with my boyfriend, Aiden. Normally we would go in the Summer, but Easter wasn't as busy and although some days were a bit windy, the weather was generally good. We stayed in an absolutely gorgeous holiday apartment called Poldhu in St Mawes, which was literally the best accommodation I have ever stayed in. St. Mawes itself is small, however it has good links to places, and has all the necessities - a pub, shop, castle and a ferry to Falmouth. Oh, and it's also beautiful.

St. Mawes

St. Mawes Castle

On our first day we took the ferry to Falmouth, which takes about 20 minutes.

St. Mawes ferry

While there we looked in the shops and had the best cream tea of the holiday at The Cornish Bakery where we also had a hazelnut hot chocolate (gutted we didn't get to go again).

We took a trip to the Eden Project which was amazing, although very hot in the rainforest dome! It was so cool to see the waterfall and walk across the rope bridge. The shop was great as well, and if I lived closer, I'd have bought so many plants.

Eden Project

Eden Project

Eden Project

Eden Project

The highlight of the entire holiday was going to the Minack Theatre.  It's a stunning outdoor theatre located right on a cliff edge overlooking the sea, where my parents performed almost 30 years ago with their acting company. Absolute dream to have a play performed there (please let it happen!) Again, maybe because of the time of year, it wasn't too busy and was so peaceful and beautiful. Genuinely one of my favourite places in the world.

Minack Theatre

View from the Minack

With Aiden

With my parents

We went to St. Michael's Mount which looks so cool. Unfortunately, we went towards the end of the day and were told the castle was closing soon so we raced to the top of the mount (which is hard enough just walking up). It has such lovely views!

St. Michael's Mount

We walked to St. Anthony's Head lighthouse, although it was a hard walk, and saw such beautiful views.

View from the lighthouse

We also went kayaking, which was great until Aiden fell in and I had to flip the kayak single-handed, while my dad floated around us in hysterics.

Kayak

It was such a lovely holiday and I wish I could go back right now.

Thanks for reading,
Jessie xx

Trip to Venice

On a bridge in Venice

 For my 23rd birthday, I went on a trip with my mum to Venice. I'm going to be totally honest here,  I didn't think I would like it and was considering going to Rome instead but decided Venice was cheaper and potentially less touristy.

Taking the boat from the airport to Venice was a real eye-opener. I'd known there was a lot of water but I hadn't known it was a city built entirely on water with no vehicles - I was amazed.

We stayed in a hotel called Hotel Santa Marina, a real Venetian hotel with material wallpaper and beautiful decorations, right beside one of the canals.

Outside our hotel

Most of the foods we ate were pizza or pasta (for some reason I assumed they would only serve fish and was worried we wouldn't be able to find any, but luckily there was more pizza and pasta than I've ever seen in my life). There are also fresh pasta shops in some of the streets where you can get pasta meals as street food if you want to save money!

We also had ice cream - the best ice cream shop in Venice is Suso, by the Rialto Bridge, but we also found a gourmet chocolate ice cream place called Venchi which dipped the cones in chocolate in front of you.

Venchi

On the first day we decided to do the tourist things like the Basilica which was beautiful and the Doge's Palace which was actually stunning (and on a Thursday wasn't that busy).

St Mark's Basilica

Doge's Palace

Inside the Doge's Palace

We also went on a gondola (because you just have to, right?!) but the tip is to always walk away because a gondolier ran after us and offered us a cheaper deal, and we loved it.

Gondola ride

In the evening we tried to do a bar crawl near the Rialto Bridge and couldn't find anywhere. I found a bar called Bacaro Jazz, with a ceiling decorated with bras and guitars (my mum was very hesitant to go in at first but she loved it). I highly recommend it, especially because the bartenders are so lovely and it has such a good atmosphere. Nothing at all to do with the very generous portions of vodka they give (half a tall glass). Not at all...

The ceiling of Bacaro Jazz

The next day (slightly headachy), we went to the Accademia Gallery Museum and then to Harry's Bar where Ernest Hemingway, James Stewart and Charlie Chaplin have all been.

Accademia Gallery Museum

In the evening we walked to a bar that I had read about called El Sbarlefo, San Pantalon which played rock, blues and country music, but probably isn't worth an hour's walk. We then walked to St Mark's Square to see the sunset and listened to the orchestras playing Time to Say Goodbye. It was honestly enchanting.

St Mark's Square at sunset

With my mum on the Rialto Bridge

I fell in love with Venice and I hope I get to visit there again. I highly recommend.


Thanks for reading.

Jessie x

Looking after myself emotionally and feeling more confident

In October last year I started feeling pretty bad about myself again and feeling anxious in social situations. Someone suggested I go to a place called i-Rock in Hastings to attend a wellbeing and anxiety course, and while there I was also referred for ten sessions of free counselling at Counselling Plus. I've always been the type of person to just say 'I'm fine' whenever anyone tries to talk to me about how I'm feeling, but I finally decided it was time to take care of myself emotionally. Whenever I feel sad usually I listen to music (and honestly there is nothing that makes me happier) but I wanted to be able to talk to someone about how I was feeling.

I realise counselling isn't for everyone, and to be honest I wasn't sure if it was for me, but I found it so helpful to talk about the big things that had happened in my past, and more recent events. Crying for the first time in front of a counsellor was embarrassing but also cathartic and I was so relieved to talk about things that I couldn't with family. By the end of the ten sessions my counsellor told me I was 'sitting taller in the chair' and she could 'see a real difference'. It also enabled me to speak to my family about how I felt about things, and helped me gain a sense of closure on things that had happened.

I was more apprehensive about the Adult Wellbeing course, imagining something like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and dreading having to meet new people, however it was really relaxed and the people were all really nice, in particularly the 'tutors'.

Throughout the course I learnt a lot about myself and my core beliefs, and coinciding with the counselling, realised why I felt 'I'm not good enough' and that 'I'm not as good as others'. The sessions were all really interesting and gave advice on how to change the behaviours, and eventually our thoughts about ourselves. We learnt about our driver behaviours (mine is to please others) and our relationships with other people - what we want out of them and the best way to communicate.

We were given advice on how to be assertive and how to be more confident. Towards the end of the course we learnt how to manage stress and about mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

I'm trying to sum it up but it's pretty hard to explain just how much it has helped me. At the beginning of the course, speaking in front of the group would have been my nightmare but by the end I was absolutely fine and not worrying about what other people would think about me - as the tutors said, what I say is just as important as what anyone else has to say.

The course finished today and during the past few months I have achieved a lot in my personal life, partly due to feeling more confident in myself. I passed my driving test (finally!) and achieved something else. I thanked the tutors who ran the course, because they really have changed my outlook on myself and life and, if I'm being completely honest, I cried in front of everyone because they were so lovely and wishing me luck with all the exciting things I'm doing this year.

There are still things I want to change about myself and I don't feel completely happy all the time, but I've learnt how to stop the negative thoughts. It is always worth taking care of yourself emotionally and learning to talk about how you're feeling, and I am now feeling so much more confident.

Thanks for reading,
Jessie xx